Why We Struggle in Arguments: A Deep Dive

We fight with someone, on the road or at work. The reason can be anything, often a trivial one.

When that happens, we and the opponent try to justify the respective sides.

But that opponent, which is a shrewd one is so clever, he/she takes out so many points to counter us and keeps justifying how they are right.

They with their clever tactics make others believe how innocent they are and if any mistake happens from their side, easily convince others that, it is not intentional.

They feel nothing of the brazenness and their deeds.

But we, In the spate of anger, just kept raising our voices, but couldn’t counter those.

That typical shrewdness makes us lose the argument in front of others. It also makes us ‘the culprit’.

Everything ends and then we all are on our regular lives.

But that thought of losing, despite being the right keeps us hounding.

It feels like a kettle with boiling, steaming water inside but no way out. The only outlet available is only for the sulking.

The frustration comes not because we lost, but because why we couldn’t take out all the points, which we remembered at 3 am at night and not at that particular time.

We also get pissed off, because this is the ‘nth’ time, it is happening to us.

Now we make ourselves a bit clear. We keep jotting the points [all in mind], if next time something like this happens, what all we need to take out and counter all those points?

But that issue with that particular person doesn’t happen for long. Instead, we face the same trial with someone else.

Now, with this new person and his all-new tactics, we get dumbstruck.

This happens again and again, making us a loser all the time. I really envy the people, who know how to give back then and there.

I also get awestruck, when they give a fitting reply, literally a tit-for-tat and don’t even get agonized by the situation. Post this ends, they show it like nothing has happened at all and life is as usual.

I really feel satisfied, when such things happen with the guys, whom I can’t handle and generally get on the back foot.

I think this happens with people like me because, at that particular point, we lose our control, we just feel, we are right and that the other guy is wrong. It’s true, but what is needed at that particular time, we should keep calm and show how it is not affecting us at all.

That calm mind may help us to gather more points about that person and the situation. It makes us think properly to answer and justify how we are right and the opposing party is not.

But, seldom it happens. I think this is there in the upbringing and can’t be taught.

In childhood, have read many stories of animals such as a wolf or a crow, those being shrewd to get things done and cheat others.

That time, I just felt sad for the animals who had fallen into the trap of these crows and wolves, but never learnt a thing or two, about how to imbibe that in myself.