Unexpressed Me…

You always used to say, “You don’t talk. Why don’t you talk? How are you like this?”

Sometimes, you even used to get annoyed with me. But then, you only used to calm yourself and say, “Everyone has their own nature, right?”

They say that opposites attract. Just like that, your lively, bubbly nature—like a gushing stream—and my silent, steady presence—like the calm flow of a river—came together.

You keep talking, and I would listen. That one-sided conversation I feel connected us. That’s why I never interrupted it by speaking unnecessarily.

But there’s one thing I never told you—when you spoke when I was with you, I was never truly silent. In my heart, an unspoken conversation with you was always happening.

Every word of yours, the emotions that played on your face as you spoke, those unintentional touches—all of it, my heart responded to in its way.

Not just with you, but even before you arrived, with the breeze that signalled your presence, with the fragrance that lingered when you were with me, and with the memory of you that remained after you left—I kept talking to all of it, unknowingly.

These silent words within me sometimes rumbled like thunderclouds and sometimes sank deep into the ocean of my thoughts. And then, I would again look at you and focus on your voice. The moment your sweet words reached my ears, that unspoken conversation would begin again.

“Alright, I’m leaving… see you again, bye!” you would say before walking away. And that was the only moment I truly became silent.

I don’t know why, but even after all these years, that conversation continues uninterrupted in my heart. A part of my heart remains captured by you, speaking to you in every moment—even in your absence.

And today, I saw you again. But… even now, expressing myself felt just as difficult. Words, like that one river suddenly disappearing into the earth, had sunk deep inside me.

Like someone drowning, my heart tried hard to convey what I wanted to tell you something—but those words never surfaced.

Tell me honestly, was it this silence that distanced me from you? Should I have spoken up? But you knew that’s just who I am. If this very silence was the delicate thread that bound us together, why did you still expect me to break it?

Now, I am gathering myself again—finding solace in those countless moments I spent with you.

Will I make one last attempt to express myself—before you, just once?