Parents’ Expectations

A very touchy subject and now that I too am a father a close one for me as well.

Lately, there are many films explaining the tug-of-war between parents and kids. The expectations (sometimes over expectations) of parents and under performance of kids on same.

The popular one ‘3 idiots’ and the famous dialogue “Abba Nahi Manenge” [father won’t agree to it].

Then the recent news of suicides by students at various coaching factories across India.

Now, as a father, I feel, it’s fair to have certain expectations from our kids. And why not, as we give them all the needed to excel, which we lacked at some point of time.

Or we have expectations from them just because at that point of time, despite having all the needed, we didn’t do well and repenting on it, which we don’t want our kids to suffer from.

I think everything boils down to the comparison we do.

We read in newspapers, how a sweeper’s son/daughter ranked first despite all the hardships they had to go, how a beedi worker’s son got into IAS in very first attempt.

We as parent feel, if they can do, then why can’t ours achieve the same feat with comparatively better conditions.

Somewhere, there is this feeling of ‘losing’ make us frustrated. It’s not that our kids only are in the race, but we too are running the invisible race besides them.

Before being a father, I too thought, that I will be a liberal father, who won’t burden my kid and let him be whatever he wants to be, then why the sudden change in reality.

Is it because, we want them to succeed to avoid what we are going through. We don’t want them to go through this ‘9-5 grind’ and be their own masters. Or maybe because, if they do well in studies, they will be better placed than where we are currently.

And also may be because we can also boast, see what extraordinary thing our kid achieved.

Ultimately all parents want their kids to succeed, but the contention is the way to achieve it. What kids think, their interests, their talent etc. get neglected many a times.

We generally try to go the regular “Doctor/Engineer”, “Ivy League Colleges” way.

But frankly speaking, if we go by their talents, in a country like India, where there is no dearth of talent, in any field, make this a commodity.

One can sing better, a good dancer, a better writer and many more talents… question comes, will it help him to stand him/her on their feet, or more upfront, would it help them to feed their family in future.

There can be only 11 players in cricket team, or even with this T20, an odd 100-200 players, but then what will happen to the many Sachins, Virats in every nook and corner of India.

Having interests is okay, but daily bread is a reality as well.

And I think this is the only thing which makes parents to force their expectations on their kids.

I too am a part of that category. I really like to salute to those parents, who despite the worst conditions let their kids do what they want to do.

Many of in my category may be wrong, but it is what it is, considering the stark reality we see in the society.

Your views please…

Vb