Overcoming Life’s Choices: A Story of Love

I don’t know whether its right to put it here, as its very personal.

But as the prompt came up and I too wanted to open up on this since long.

It may not be a big one, but I always feel about it and even now after 15-16 years of marriage, I still feel guilty about it.

When I got engaged, I was not that happy.

I was in love with someone and wanted to get married with the girl of my choice.

But that was an inter-caste and my mother was hell bent that, its not possible.

Post discussion with my love, we decided to give in.

Then I got engaged. It was not like that the one with whom I married was not good one.

There was six months’ gap between engagement and wedding date.

Generally, its a trend started in India, that the newbies start talking to each other till late night.

Sometimes, with parents’ permission meet as well.

They talk, mingle, discuss about future and that little, flirty talk.

But, as I was not that interested in this girl, chosen by my parents, I seldom got into such things.

My to-be-wife only used to call me all the time, I used to talk like I am not interested.

Poor lady, still always used to call, asking about me, my interests, she knew I was not interested in her, but still she persists.

Sometimes, I used to unnecessarily get angry on her, but she never gave back, She was always compromising.

I knew and I was not that kind of person, who hurts others, I too felt bad talking to her in that way, but I was frustrated losing my love.

Somehow we got married. Its 15-16 years over. I told her “everything” between me and my love.

She accepted it wholeheartedly, saying I have no concern about your life before marriage.

In fact, my love visited us several times post marriage.

Now I am happy and I feel lucky that my parents chosen her as my life partner.

I am sorry, but if given an option, I will definitely choose my wife for all the next life times.

This may seem a betrayal but to my love before the marriage, but I can’t help.

Now, on answering the prompt, – What I would have done differently?

I would have talked to her about the life, future, which I kept from her.

I would have re-lived those moments, that whole 6 months.

I would have experienced that touch, those feelings, which I deprived her and missed myself.

I told my wife about these feeling and said sorry to her, but she always deny saying, she got the best person in me and denies any wrong doing.

I think, I am lucky.